“It seems like this transgender thing is running rampant, more than most people realize. I can see the underlying spirit so clearly and how it has woven tentacles into every aspect of society. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that sees this, but probably not.”
Susan wrote these words to me in one of our email correspondence. I remember wishing I could pick up the phone and call her and say, “No, you are not the only one. I see it, and it’s like undiagnosed cancer eroding our society, but so many people are not paying attention.”
This week Amazon pulled Ryan Anderson’s book When Harry Becomes Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment. It doesn’t matter that the book was a bestseller or that it has been positively reviewed by people on both sides of the transgender debate. The message from Amazon is we don’t want Ryan’s perspective or dialogue on this issue. There is no debate.
But the reality is there is much to discuss regarding transgender identity. Many families struggle with this issue, but they are afraid to speak out because our society—for example, Amazon— is silencing critical voices.
I believe personal stories are crucial in understanding this growing transgender trend, especially when it comes to our kids. Susan’s story is one of many that need to be told. We can debate the science behind gender dysphoria or our opinions on how transgender policy will positively or negatively affect our society. But until we stop and truly listen to how this gender identity issue personally affects a family, we will never fully understand it or give it the freedom to be effectively debated and discussed.
Platforms like Amazon don’t want you to experience life inside Susan’s home. They don’t want you to understand Grace’s struggles and doubts about her self-diagnosed gender dysphoria. They certainly won’t spiritualize the battle or acknowledge the lack of scientific evidence supporting transgenderism. But this platform will. I am not afraid of highlighting Susan’s voice because there’s no fear in exposing the truth. That’s the freedom we have in following Christ and understanding the truth that sets us free. (John 8:32)
Like previous posts (here and here), Susan’s story continues in block quotes. Read, share, subscribe, and respond in the comments. Let’s openly dialogue and not be silent.
In the Way She Should Go
Not a super-great week with Grace. Therapy today was mostly her crying and accusing me of not accepting her. She had a few meltdowns this week. In one conversation, she kept listing off all the things she felt she should be diagnosed with, and body /gender dysphoria was one of them. I offhandedly mentioned that was a really rare condition. Of course, she took it as my denial of her self-diagnosis. I probably shouldn’t have even said that much, but in her mind these things are super-huge-catastrophic.
She wasn’t too thrilled with her session today because the therapist dealt with her self-worth and loving herself as she is right now. She kept trying to get the point across to Grace that labels and a diagnosis aren’t going to help and that self-diagnosing is not a good idea. But today, she just wasn’t having it. The solution in Grace’s mind is two-fold: I need pills to make me feel better, and I need to become a male. There are times when this ugliness rears its head, and this past week is one of those times. It’s clear the enemy has been working overtime.
It’s taking every ounce of self-control to keep from totally losing it with her. That’s not me. That’s not Jesus. But the stress of dealing with the volatile nature of this child of mine is taking its toll. I can see the tactics of the enemy so clearly at times and the battle of good vs. evil raging within her. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. She has a loving and compassionate heart. She will sacrifice her self-care to tend to the needs of others. She is funny and creative and generous and kind. She is chosen and has a tremendous destiny in her life. She is always quick to stand up for the underdog. We have raised her up in the way she should go, and she will not depart from that. Through it all, I will praise Him. God is still in control, even though I feel helplessly out of control.
Slanted View
Grace still gets the majority of her “information” from the internet; an internet that is skewed toward her transgender viewpoints. I wish people would realize that the internet searches they perform will always bring up results that are slanted from whatever viewpoint they have. My search results for the same phrase in Google will bring up completely different results on my computer than it does on Grace’s laptop. But so many people don’t know that.
Recently, Grace found information online that certain politicians want to institute shock treatment for conversion therapy. Essentially, let’s shock all the transgender people back into submission! What???? Of course, it came up on her Google feed, and she did a great deal of research back to some sources that she felt were 100% credible. In the back of her mind, she thinks we are trying to force the transgender out of her. Nope, we’re trusting God and His love and the power of the Holy Spirit to do it. He didn’t ask us to do it. He asked us to believe that HE will do it! But this is what we are up against in this world.
The Back Story
We have come to discover Grace is extremely fearful and distrusts males around her age that we know for sure, and possibly males who are a little older or younger. She had an “ex,” if you want to call him that. He was an online acquaintance, although she claims they were an item. He was mentally abusive and threatened to commit suicide if she ever left him, but he was mentally cruel to her at the same time. He lived clear across the country, and she lives in fear that he will come after her. We never knew about this when she was involved with it, but it’s all coming out in therapy now. She feels she is a magnet for every weirdo and pervert, and I think she has sworn off males completely (her “girlfriend” is safe, makes her feel safe, although they’ve never met in person, only online).
The recurring thought about her particular transgender saga was summed up a couple of weeks ago in therapy when she said, “I just don’t trust men because I’ve had a couple of bad experiences.” It made me wonder if her desire to be a male was to protect herself, to give the appearance of being less vulnerable? I know there was a time, around age 16 or so, that she was still interested in boys and had a close male friend until his helicopter mother swooped in and hurt Grace so badly with her words.
I remember the culture of middle school…mean girls jockeying for social position, rejection, cruelty, and boy’s hormones running rampant. There has to be something to this, at least in Grace’s case. I’ve had this thought for quite a while, but until I read the story about Planned Parenthood giving out free cross-sex hormones, I began to wonder if this is a piece of the puzzle. How many other girls struggle with the silent fear from either male peer abuse or outright sexual assault? The statistics show an overwhelming number of LBGTQ have had negative experiences in that area, and the online community is rampant with predators.
God’s Grace, His Battle
Just some last quick observations from my personal life: The enemy knows how to strike to cause the most chaos and destruction. If people think that attacking the young girls with this delusion only affects the girl and their parents, they are sadly mistaken. It affects their ministries, their friends, their friend’s families, their churches, the businesses they frequent, their teachers, their grandparents, and sadly enough, their siblings.
However, looking at the problems through God’s grace gives perspective. Being a first-hand witness of the battle for Grace’s soul is terrifying, but I’m blessed that God has given us spiritual insight and a front-row seat to this. We have to remind ourselves that God is well aware of Grace and everything that is going on in her life and that He trusted us to parent her. But there are still triggers that terrify us. My heart breaks that this has become so casual, so acceptable in our society.
God is faithful, the battle is His, and Grace will be won over with love and gentleness.
More of Susan’s story to come…